Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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