He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
