VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
