One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
