hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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