I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
