I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
