I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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