Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
