so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
