I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
