Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
