Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
