Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
