I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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