Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize
