She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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