My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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