If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
