just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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