Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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