Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
