sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
