ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
