your thong is hanging out like whoa
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
