Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
