I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
