i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
