Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
