He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone signed my nipple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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