her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
