OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
