Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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