was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
