I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
