By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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