she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
