I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
