I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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