I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
