Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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