What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
