You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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