our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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