I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
