Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You can't motorboat a personality
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
