how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
