cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
