Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
