we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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