If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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