false alarm. still invincible.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
