Just fell off a train. Bad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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