Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
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Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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