We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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