Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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