we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
