If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ladies don't puke and tell
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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