What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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