The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
