am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
