Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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