When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
