My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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