Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
