i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
