I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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