I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
