JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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