the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
