I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
