I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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