hotel room ftw
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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