Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i will never coherently bang her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
