Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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