Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
