He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I looked at my own cervix.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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